Bright Lights, Big Malaysian City!

So we’ve moved on to Malaysia after a great month on the beach. The Seaflower was booked solid so for the last 3 days we were there so we just moved next door. It was a lovely place and the folks that run it are very nice but it’s quite expensive for what it is. Value, I’m all about the value! Ask anyone. They specialize in Belgium beers (a couple from Belgium runs the place), which is cool, but they are very expensive – like $8 a bottle expensive! I just can’t bring myself to pay Vancouver beer prices in Thailand. A $2 Leo will suffice, thank you very much!

But it was the majority of the clientele that kind of rubbed my face the wrong way (that’s an expression, right?). I’m not one to judge…hah! Who am I kidding, I’m totally one to judge…but many of the guests consisted of giant muscle men with little man buns flowering out of the top of their enormous heads and wearing only tiny bathing suits. Funny thing is these giant men in micro swimwear seemed to be lacking any noticeable genitalia. One would think being as big as these fellas are they’d be sporting a mighty package. I guess that all the steroids they’ve ingested have made their junk all withered and useless. That’s the price of vanity I suppose. There were a bevy of waifish super-model types lounging around on the beach as well and, for some reason, many had bandages on their legs. I thought it might have been some odd full moon party injury (many on the island sport the same injury) but it is probably from burning their fabulous legs as they rode carelessly around on the moto-scooters. Don’t even get me started on the idiots who buzz around on these contraptions at high rates of speed wearing nothing but shorts, (no helmut of course), bare feet, with their ear-buds in. Would they do this at home? Morons.

Another collection of guests consisted of a bunch of rude, pushy Russians demanding this and that while being totally overdressed for such a setting. The women were dolled up to the nines looking super botoxy expensive and trashy and the guys brutish, loud and always smoking.  Wish I had taken some photos but I was afraid. Very afraid.

It was still fun as we were on the beach and hung out at the great little beach bar next door. But alas, we had to leave our little section of paradise and so we were off to the big sweaty city of Kuala Lumpur.

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Our Air Asia flight landed in the middle of a thunderstorm in Kuala Lumpur. It was a tad nerve wracking considering the recent events that had befallen that airline. But it was a relatively crash free flight. The cab ride into the city was long but we had a great driver who was very much into the “strong rock and roll” of Aerosmith. He even sung along to some cheesy ballad (man, they got bad!) that I had never heard before which was his favourite song. “Strong ballad, strong words”, he told me. I should have pointed him towards “Rocks” or “Toys in the Attic” for a strong dose of Aerosmith. He was a very nice fellow although he did leave the meter running as he stopped for a pee-break. He then extolled the  virtues of John Mayer and his great bluesy guitar playing comparing him to the late great Stevie Ray Vaughn. Strong guitarists!

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No kissing inside this cab, dammit! How many first dates were ruined here?

So we toured around KL for a few days – not all that much to do in this big hot city. To be honest it’s kind of a boring place to visit. We spent way too much time in malls. I haven’t spent that much time in malls since I was a teenager acting all cool in a mall and shit. On the upside they were air conditioned and had quite excellent food courts. We even managed to take in a movie – the latest overblown Hobbit miasma. The best thing about that film was, again,the air conditioning and the carmel-coated popcorn.

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This one mall leads right to another! How civilized.

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Watching the Hobbit with little Fonzie.

We visited the giant Petronas Towers (featured in the motion picture Entrapment starring Sean Connery, Catherine Zeta-Jones and her butt) which were very cool and impressive (the buildings that is. Although…) Beautiful architecture. We didn’t go up in them as it was way too much money – around $75 for the 3 of us – but we did walk around them and marvel in awe at their awesome awesomeness.

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Two out of three of us were impressed by these giant penises!

 

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Behold!

Here’s a few various sights, including a bit of KL’s Chinatown – which is pretty much just like everywhere else’s Chinatown – selling lots of cheap knock-off crap and some tasty food.

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No I don’t need any Crocs or bootlegged DVDs of the Hobbit.

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“We sell only red things…and maybe a bit of yellow! Special price for you!”

 

 

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Lots of these weird communication devices around town. This was the one that was in the best shape. It even came with a healthy snack. And a rock.

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Whatever you’re not supposed to do here, it will be terrifying.

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Of course I went there when they were closed for the one hour of the day.

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The view from our hostel window. Charming. Very “1984” as my friend Craig mentioned. I should do a photo essay on views.

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Found a tasty Indian restaurant by our hostel. The ambiance was unsurpassed!

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Nothing like sitting on the street drinking cold beer and eating hot delicious food!. (See the cool Tandoori oven in the background? That’s where they make the Tandoori food. The Tandoori food that went in my mouth!)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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