Pickering, Ontario. Window to the World!

Welcome to Pickering, Ontario! Home of nuclear power, sweat pants (and sweat pant cutoffs), trucks – lots and lots of trucks, backwards baseball caps, noted hockey idiot Sean Avery, reams of identical track homes, malls and casual racism.

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I can’t remember where I live!

It’s all malls. Big malls with every ugly big-box store you can think of, small malls with all sorts of shitty pizza joints and strange food hybrids such as Thai-Indian-Poutine Nuggets. Do you like shopping malls and no sense of community or beauty? Then Pickering is for you. Do you like a lively downtown, some culture or a nice place to walk and hang out? Well,  then Pickering is not for you. There actually isn’t a downtown. But there is is a mall! A really big mall. Surrounded by a plethora of mid-sized and smaller malls.

Pickering, “A perfect fusion of metropolitan life and cottage country charm” or so the internet Pickering page would have you believe. That’s a pretty optimistic thing to say about this culturally-barren and traffic-centric wasteland.

 

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Can’t you just smell that lovely cottage country charm?

“Pickering: Destroying the cultural fabric one mall at a time”. I actually asked for directions from a nice lady who told me my destination was two malls up the road.

We are staying with my mum and sister and her husband. They know I like good beer so they bought me some Rickards Red, which I declared is not a good beer (although I am choking one back as I write this). But it was nice they thought of getting a “more refined tasting” beer for me.

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That’s a bold statement, Rickards!

“You have terrible taste in beer”, Buck, my brother-in-law barked at me. Not much point in arguing. I said I also like wine. “If you want some wine, there’s a box of red in the fridge.”

They’re family and they are fine well-meaning folks and they are nice enough to put us up and put up with us and my snobby-beer loving ways.

Can’t wait to get to Portugal.

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Hey Dad, my skin hurts! Mine too, son, mine too.

8 thoughts on “Pickering, Ontario. Window to the World!

  1. Pickering, blah. The Shwa is the ideal location. Right between two nuke plants. That might explain your hair growing up. Is the Tartan on you itinerary? Maybe take your sprog to Ribfest at the lake this wknd.

    Rudy

    • Yes, Pickering, Blah. I used to have a lot of not-very-nice things to say about the Shwa, aka Oshawitz but Pickering makes that place seem like Valhalla. We fly out tomorrow for Portugal, so no Tartan, no Ribfest. Although that does sound great!

  2. There will be times during your journey that you will wish you were in Pickering with a bottle of Rickards Red in your hand. Trust me.

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